saving the best [aka hardest] for last in laying the foundation of four things that matter in my search of happiness …

1. proximity to family ✓
2. success in work ✓
3. a fulfilling relationship ✓
4. time for me

[in an effort to not over-analyze this post, i’m writing and publishing on my phone… let’s see if that helps, eh? wish me luck. also you may have noticed that i’m not capitalizing words. yes, that’s intentional. it’s safe to assume everything i touch has meaning and/or is scrutinized beyond belief. it’s exhausting and wonderful and if you stick around long enough, you’ll understand why.]

but right now … in this moment … i can’t decide if the key word to #4 on my list is “time” or “me.”

they are certainly intertwined and time has really smacked me in the face lately:

a) how i’m spending it

b) who i’m spending it with

c) if it’s running out

acknowledging that “time” isn’t my strong suite — let’s focus on “me” and let’s laugh first … because that time running out stuff was heavy. [plus, i can’t get enough of this sweatshirt and this pic.]

focusing on me

have you ever started something new and the universe is clearly trying to encourage you to keep going? aka time well spent. my dad calls this “green lights.”

it’s his “red light / green light” theory for life and i fully believe in his wisdom:

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too many red lights = stop (!)

enough green lights = keep going …

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it’s extremely simple but it works.

i’ll put it in context of how i’ve been spending my work-from-home-self-quarantine lunches. [on the surface this might not seem like i’m spending that time on me … but i would argue that it couldn’t possibly be more “me”]

here’s the serendipitous chain of events:

• this pandemic has caused all of us to harness the power of video-chatting
• my mom has been reluctant about technology since we got our first vcr but she is starting to get a hang of it [the video-chats that is — the vcr is a lost cause]
• so when her drawing class was canceled because of social distancing, i immediately suggested we have our own because we finally could over video (!) duh. how had i never thought of that before?!?
• her immediate response: “oh as if you don’t have enough to worry about.” i insisted i was doing this for me and eventually she was convinced [i might’ve even convinced both of us]

[sidenote… for those who don’t know… both of my parents love art and are very skilled at drawing and just about everything. they couldn’t have been more supportive of my plan to be an art major in college. i even try to use art shows at the st. louis art museum to lure them down to visit. my mom studied art in college in green bay and my dad’s massive, meticulous drawing hung in my grandma’s house all of my life. last year, i asked my mom if she ever regrets not having a career in art or art education. she said she doesn’t. and yet, i was beyond thrilled to find out when she signed up for a drawing class shortly after that conversation.]

• our “class” was on wednesday at 1pm
• i called my mom on monday to confirm and wednesday morning to remind her
• turns out we were both anxious about it. my mom said she almost canceled on me and was so glad she didn’t [me too — green light]
• we were both worried about what sketchbook to work in and picking the right pen to use. when my dad heard us talking about it, boy, he laughed and laughed and naturally, so did we. [everyone always talks about how my mom and i are similar but here it was… crystal clear — green light]
• i set up outside and was ready with four different ideas of what/how to draw [aka i over-prepared]
• we used one of my ideas: draw from a magazine picture of a pineapple [only realizing now how perfect to start with a rough, impenetrable fruit]
• we easily drew for an hour straight —joking and carefree

it was by far the best hour of my week.

so we did it again the next day and the one after that. no meetings or conflicts. [green lights]

• 

• 

• 

• 

making this time a priority.

making my mom a priority.

making me a priority.

as if that wasn’t enough green lights, on thursday we drew a christmas cactus… and later that SAME DAY my brother-in-law randomly texts me about his blossoming:

green light

on Saturday we spent an hour and a half climbing the eiffel tower and when I sent it to my best pal this was her response:

green lights

keep going …

✓

p.s. now that you know a lot more about my family, work, relationship and simply about me … i’ll finally tell you why i’m (un)lucky … next time.